Who ever said Patience is a virtue....

Never had to deal with being patient! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just want to know when I will have surgery. I had it all set up, every detail lined out and now its all up in the air again. Who knows when, how, where....

The scheduler - who you would think would have all the time in the world now, wont answer the phone to answer any questions. I just wanted to get an update. I was told last week September, maybe October. I would say I cant wait that long but what choice do I have? I know I will look back and the time wont really matter but now it seems so far away.

Hurry up and wait, you would think the Air Force is behind this operation! That is their motto I swear!

Glass....

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
And we are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
We are glass. 

I feel like shattered glass right now, still picking up the pieces. 

Friday was such a day of extreme high to extreme low. 

I went to my pre-op on Wednesday and got a good feel for the surgeon. He had quite the sense of humor. Maybe not a good sense for everyone but I got all the jokes. So got all the do's and don'ts. I got the diet, which I was already following of no more than 30 carbs a day. Saturday and Sunday would be liquid only. 

Thursday picked up medication for after surgery and the ride home. 

Friday, waited for the call from the surgery center to give me a show up time. So about noon I got the call to be there at 8am. I know the show time is about 2 hours prior to surgery times. So planned to leave the house about 5:15 and be there in time. Texted Monty and told him the new details. 

About 3:30 the doctors office called .... and the glass shattered. 

"Hi I  was calling to let you know your surgery has been cancelled. It will be sometime in September if you want to wait."

I didn't get a lot after that... I think that the doctor is opening up another surgery center  in another location. I got that the extra part of the surgery would be done for free now and I would be refunded. Guess thats a bonus but still heartbreaking for all the build up. 

I got off the phone (I think she could tell my voice was shaking) and laid on by bed and just cried and cried. Such a big let down. 

I am going to call again tomorrow and get the real details since I just kinda shut down after hearing the word cancelled. 

Sigh.

down 15

I am not brave enough to give my starting weight just yet but I will some time. I think its still so scary to actually admit. I just the other day admitted that number to Monty. Anyways I am 6 days from surgery and have been doing the 30 carbs or less hard core since Friday. I did it for about a month but there would be times I went over. Hard core though..... and since then I have lost 4 pounds. I dont see the loss but the scales says it. With that 4 pounds, that takes me to 15 pounds total since I started this part of my life. This quest to lose all the extra weight, physical and emotional, weight. That takes me down to a number I haven't seen in YEARS and only saw them when they were creeping up not going down.
This is just with diet. I am excited to know I will be eating LESS and feeling full. I would expect that I will loos more before the surgery especially with the liquid diet {eeeeek} the two days before and not eating for a day and liquid diet after and not eating hardly anything for a while. I am excited for that!
I am getting more and more excited, even if my dreams are getting more and more weird!