The breaking point

Here is the only skeleton in Kristi's closet!

So in an effort to get real, sometimes it hurts and shakes you to the core of your being. When you feel defeated. I rarely RARELY ask for help, I am very independent. I need to move something, I move it. I need to go do something, I do it! Task too big, probably but I am still going to do it or die trying.

So I came to my breaking point and my broken-hearted realization that I am over weight.... in a serious way. Not just over weight.... I fall into the MORBIDLY obese category. Morbid - that is hard to associate with yourself.

There have been little things here and there but this day rocked me to the core.
Went to Wild Adventures with the kids for Spring Break. No big thing. We rode rides and had a really good time that day. Qyn had a friend, Shelby had a friend and I was Chesnee's riding buddy because she is just a little too short to ride alone.
4 of us went to get on Chesnee's favorite ride. The ride where you are suspended and ride. No big deal until it was time to get on the ride. I have been a tight fit for a while in the seats but been fine. On this day - it ended up taking two people to buckle me in. That stung a little..... well ride is over and the harnesses lift for us to get off and mine does NOT. Its stuck. Here I am, the fat girl stuck in the ride. They come and try to release it, it wont release. Then they ended up getting a special release switch to get me out. All while this is going on.... Im laughing it off, its what fat people do. You laugh so you don't cry. Another ride I went on, I ended up having to switch seats so the ride balance was ok.
That was it, it rocked me to the core and made me realize that I am more than just overweight. I need to do something for me.
That night I came home did the rest of the usual routine. Monty and I went to bed and I never said a word. Its embarrassing.  Monty laid on my chest and went to sleep and I ran my fingers through his hair for about an hour, with tears of defeat and disgust running down my face.


So I picked up the phone about a week later because it took me that long to have the courage to make the call. I simply said I needed an appointment to talk about weight loss help. Step One complete.



I take responsibility for my actions over the years.  For years, I have been a mom and wife first and then me when I have time. I have driven through the drive thru to get food for the kids because its late and its the easier. I have eaten meals at 10pm because that is when I had time. I have taken the easy way out and its time to think about me. Think about what Kristi needs to do to be here for my husband and kids.
I don't want to be the person people talk about "Oh those poor kids - their mom had a heart attack at age ____30's, 40's, 50's....." That is not the story I want written about me. I am more than that! I have a better story waiting to be written.

Things a fat girl wants - that a skinny girl will never understand...
*Collar Bones
*a towel that wraps around my whole body
*I want to weigh less than my husband
*I want to know my husband can pick me up and hold me.
*wear clothes in normal sizes, from normal stores in normal styles
*not secretly wanting to know you have a friend who is fatter than you so you aren't the fat girl
* want my kids to not be embarrassed to have me as a mom in front of their friends
*I want the self confidence I had before BACK! I want that more than most of the others
*I want to wear a belt
*I dont want to look like my mom

I know I wont be back to what I was in my early twenties pre-kids. I just want to be healthy and have self worth and a good self image. I want to be around at my kids high school graduation and wedding and when they have babies. I want to enjoy those babies for years and years.


So onto step two - the appointment! To be continued...