IF I ever get to 165, I'll be happy!

At 190, if I get back down to 165 I would be happy.
At 200, if I get back down to 165 I would be happy.
At 220, if I get back down to 165 I would be happy.
At 230, if I get back down to 165 I would be happy.
At 242, if I get back down to 165 I would be happy.


Here I sit, at 161, 4 pounds less than my "happy" and know that two things have happened....
I have overcome so much and won the race to a happy 165. Got there, stayed there a little too long, and moving on down. Maybe that was God's humor in me getting stuck there for a while, to teach me happy is more than a number on a scale.

I thought 165 would NEVER happen. It was the far, far, FAR away number that would just get to...

Now I am 1.2 pounds away from being in the 150's. Haven't seen that since before I was a mom (and I'm quickly approaching being the mom of a teenager).... and 165 isn't my happy. I became happy when I saw someone in the mirror changing. I saw the change at about the 200 mark and every day, I see someone evolving. I have caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror recently and before my brain could register it was me, in that instant my thought was "she is pretty"...
I wear my happiness differently now. First off, I wear it on the inside and out. Before the smiles were forced, but just to appear happy. I wear the happiness with a good dose of self confidence, rather than the self doubt. I have done something I never thought possible and while its a daily struggle (more mentally), I have done it. I am lower than my happy weight. The Kristi I knew in high school came back. That girl, the girl who was more confident than anything. Now she just has a triumph under her belt....

Now, if I get down to ____ I will be happy! That _____ is to be determined. I am already happy. But I do want to loose more weight. I feel healthier now than in years but I also know there is more to loose. I do have a goal of loosing 20 by mid December, but regardless of what my number is then, I will be happy! I will be much happier than I was last year and that, in the grand scheme of things, is all that matters.